You can love your family and still have your own boundaries
You don't have to carry everything your family handed down to you.
Book a free 15-min consultationYour experience
After a call with your parents, it takes hours for your feelings to settle. You're in your thirties, and one sentence can still make you feel like a child again. In Chinese families, it's often hard to tell filial duty from guilt. You want to be close, and you also want to run. Slowly, you notice that the way you are in relationships seems to trace back to home.
Does this sound familiar?
With your family
- Hours to recover after a call
- Feeling like a child again
- Duty or guilt?
- Wanting closeness, wanting distance
- Hard to say no
In your other relationships
- Hard to set boundaries
- People-pleasing
- Repeating old patterns
- Never good enough
- Hiding your needs
How I work
Here's how we'll work together:
- Together, we look at how growing up in an Asian family taught you to respond to the world: the unspoken rules, the expectations, and the love.
- Using psychodynamic and person-centered approaches, we work to understand the pull between filial duty, guilt, and boundaries, without rushing to judge and without rushing to cut anyone off.
- Starting from your strengths, you practice standing in a new place: how to set boundaries, how to speak up, and how to make peace with your younger self.
What might change along the way
- A place that understands Asian families, where you don't have to explain your culture first
- Slowly learning to tell what you want apart from what they expect
- Learning to live with guilt, and knowing that setting a boundary doesn't make you a bad son or daughter
- A little more kindness toward the part of you that has always tried so hard
Common questions about family of origin
Do I need to bring my family in?
No. Family-of-origin work can happen in individual therapy. When your position in a relationship changes, the relationship starts to change too.
Isn't talking about this just blaming my parents?
No. Understanding isn't blaming. We look at impact, not fault. Many people actually feel closer to their parents after working through this.
How will you help me with my family relationships?
Mostly in individual therapy. Using psychodynamic and person-centered approaches, we look at patterns and practice setting boundaries. You don't have to confront anyone. When your position in the relationship changes, the relationship itself begins to change.
Ready when you are
Thank you for taking the first step.
Book a free 15-min consultation